


Don't you ever tame your demons

by obfuscatedheart



Series: Three verses [1]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Bullying, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied abuse, Inspired by Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22902406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obfuscatedheart/pseuds/obfuscatedheart
Summary: Hannibal has always felt a pull of something in his soul, as he ages he learns to keep his demon on a leash.
Relationships: Hannibal Lecter & Mischa Lecter
Series: Three verses [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643878
Kudos: 18
Collections: If Music Be The Food Of Love





	Don't you ever tame your demons

**Author's Note:**

> Written for If Music Be the Food of Love run by Trashbambi
> 
> Inspired by Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier
> 
> Check out the rest of playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/15RCQxclY72mi0REvnLm19?si=Wa-jAgEmSKW_sIp_4ArKZg).

He feels it first when Mischa and he are playing, something calling deep in his soul. Their game is innocent; police and robbers, Mischa is the police officer desperate to catch him, and Hannibal is the sly criminal to catch. The hunt thrills him, Hannibal is able to evade her as much as possible. She never wants him to go easy on her, even though she is younger. When she does find him, it’s in the hollowed out tree in their garden. She is laughing freely, and drags him back to the house, tied to her with a ribbon from her dress.

Hannibal has never loved her more than in that moment, he too is laughing. When he is made to confess his crimes to their dog, he describes a daring escape from captors that ended with their deaths, and she laughs delightedly. Afterwards, when she unties him, he gathers her in his arms and holds her close. The capture is not something he enjoyed, but the hunt was everything.

They play this game often, each hunt becoming more elaborate. Even their parents delight in their games, helping both of them in equal measures. Things begin to be harder, Hannibal notices that the meals their parents eat begin to get smaller. Mischa doesn’t notice, continues to ask for more, and Hannibal begins saving some of his meals so that she can eat more. His mother gives him a warm smile the first time he does it, strokes over his head when they clear the dinner table. 

He hears his parents discuss it one evening, when they think both he and Mischa are asleep, they are decrying the Russians. From their conversation he understands that they are worried that the estate would be taken from them, and then made to work in a factory or a farm. It fills Hannibal with rage, but when his parents stop talking he goes back to bed.

He had seen the soldiers in the village when his mother and he had gone to buy groceries. They had shouted at his mother, vulgar and rude. Hannibal had had to clench his hands to stop himself from doing something. Hannibal leaves with his mother, the anger still seething in him. It calls to that dark place in his soul.

***

They come in the night one winter. He is staying in his sister’s room, she had had a nightmare and asked him for comfort. He is still awake when he hears clattering in the house below. He gently shakes Mischa awake and gathers her up in his arms. Taking her to the wardrobe and depositing her gently inside. “Be quiet.” He whispers at her, she nods at him, her eyes wide and alert. He closes the door and tiptoes back into his room. A long time ago he had deposited one of the kitchen knives in his room. His parents hadn’t even noticed that it was missing. He slips it into the sleeve of his top and pads to his parents’ room. What he discovers shocks him to his core. His parents have been killed, their blood spread over the covers, there is so much that it is obvious even in the darkness. Rage blazes in him, he makes his way downstairs, listening to the noises until he is in front of the kitchen door. He pushes the door open just a crack to see, hand clutched around the handle of the knife.

Hannibal breathes slowly for long moments, and then pushes the door open fully. He manages to sink the knife into the shoulder into the man closest to him, before hands are pulling at him. Kicking and screaming at the bodies around him, until one has an arm around his neck. Black spots begin to dance at the edge of his vision, the man in front of him is grinning at him wickedly. It is the last thing he sees before he is completely gone.

He comes to in the dungeons that haven’t been used in over a century. He shifts slightly, and everything aches. His eyes fly open when he remembers Mischa, he sits up and regrets it immediately. Hannibal feels dizzy, and then small hands are holding his. His heart soars with relief. He looks around in the relative darkness until he sees Mischa. 

The sight doesn’t bring him the same amount of relief. Her face is bruised and bloody and the look in her eyes is haunted. Hannibal gathers her in his arms and begins to gently rock her, whispering calming platitudes at her.

Hannibal considers their situation, the men didn’t look like soldiers. Their clothes had been too dirty and disheveled, and Hannibal hadn’t gotten the distinct impression that they were just as hungry as he has been.

They had probably thought that an estate such as theirs would have enough food to pillage. The fact that they had murdered his parents made him think that they were not just looking for food. There was a sense of evil to them, the sense that they were there to cause as much violence as possible.

The door of the cell opens and the man who had watched Hannibal faint with the glint in his eyes. Hannibal commits the face to his memory, certain that one day he will exact his revenge. The man watches him for long moments, before he throws a bottle of water at him, with a bark in a language Hannibal doesn’t know.

Hannibal reaches for the bottle and the man stomps on his outstretched hand. He can feel the bones of his hand break, he wants to howl in pain, but he breathes through the pain. The man spits on him, and Hannibal can smell the stale cigarettes on the saliva that is clinging to his cheek. He takes his free hand and wipes it away.

The man moves his foot and then kicks Hannibal squarely in the chest, he is sure that a rib breaks under the pressure. Hannibal coughs and a wad of blood lands on the floor. The man laughs and then he turns towards Mischa. Hannibal musters all of his strength to stand. Everything hurts but he lunges for the man, he is able to get his arms around the man’s neck. Trying to squeeze as hard as he can. His arms are too weak though, and the man is able to grab a hold of Hannibal’s hair and pulls. He can feel the strands on his head begin to tear, until the man is holding a bloody fistful of his hair. 

He twists in Hannibal’s grasp until he is able to throw Hannibal off. He kicks Hannibal until he can no longer feel his torso. The man approaches Mischa, no longer stopped by Hannibal, he takes Mischa by the arm and begins to drag her out of the cell.

Mischa had been quiet until that moment, but she begins screaming for Hannibal. He tries to right himself but his arms no longer work. She is crying and it burns in Hannibal’s ears. Her screams hook into his heart and tugs so hard it feels like his heart is breaking. After long moments the screams stop and Hannibal is sure his heart stops. His veins feel like ice, freezing him from the inside. 

An odd calmness begins to spread through him. It’s like he is finally able to listen to howling in his chest that demands blood and death. Hannibal takes long deep breaths, he takes the water bottle that had been thrown at them and takes deep gulps. He leaves some for Mischa for when she returns, he doesn’t entertain any other notion. 

He settles down in the cell with his back leaning against the cool walls, watching eagerly for Mischa’s return.

It seems like hours until Mischa is returned to him. The sight of her both soothes him but it fills him with incandescent bloody rage. Her hair is matted with fresh blood, her eyes are already swelling shut. He can just about make out the haunted look in her eyes. 

Once the cell is shut again, he gathers her in his arms and rocks her gently. His fingers searching over her back looking for any breaks in her ribs. Luckily there are none, but she flinches away from the touch when it moves to the small of her back. 

Hannibal stops his motions, surprisingly his anger becomes low and seething. His mind whirring, trying to think of a way to save Mischa, he normally would not care for his own life, but he knows that Mischa would not survive when she escapes. The winter is harsh and therefore there is little for her to eat.

He brushes a kiss to the top of her head and offers her the water bottle. She takes gentle sips, wincing as she swallows. Hannibal doesn’t feel like he has a heart left in his chest and it hardens him. She is making low noises of pain and Hannibal hums the lullaby that his mother had often sung to them both. He knows that she has fallen asleep when her breathing calms down and the noises quiet. Eventually he falls asleep too.

***

Each day is the same, they are hardly fed in the cell. Hannibal can feel the way his skin stretches over his bones, can see the way his veins begin to shine through his skin. Mischa must be fed when she is taken from him, because her face remains round with remnants of youthful fat. She hardly talks to him anymore, something in her is broken and Hannibal wishes for her return. But he knows that there will be no change until he can get them out. 

He begins to catalogue the ways in which he can attack the men that they come to fetch Mischa. There is only ever one at the time. The man who had kicked him is never among them again, that makes him relieved. He has a streak to him that is sadistic, looking for cruelty for cruelty’s sake. 

Hannibal has no idea how much time passes, there is no light in the cell that indicates the passing of days. The only constant is the hunger deep in the pit of his stomach and Mischa being ripped from him and then returned. 

One day it changes. Mischa is taken as normal, she no longer screams when she is taken. 

Halfway through the usual day, the man returns. He brings with him a smell that makes Hannibal’s stomach growl loudly. There is a glint in his eyes that frightens Hannibal. He places the bowl he is holding in front of Hannibal, he passes a spoon to Hannibal. 

Carefully Hannibal takes the proffered cutlery, when a strike doesn’t happen he clutches the spoon. Slowly Hannibal begins to spoon the stew into his mouth. It isn’t well flavoured, but to Hannibal it is the most delicious thing he has ever eaten. 

The man laughs when Hannibal has finished the bowl, his stomach feels fit to bursting. For the first time in what is sure is weeks he feels pleasantly full. When he has licked the bowl clean he places it back on the floor. The man laughs again at the sound and then crouches down so he is in Hannibal’s eyeline. Then he takes something out of his pocket and shows Hannibal Mischa’s bracelet.

Realisation dawns on Hannibal and he is retching until he has emptied his stomach. He thinks he knows exactly what has happened to Mischa.

He screams until his voice cracks under the strain. The man slaps him and then grabs the arm Hannibal is using to hold himself up and then snaps it. Hannibal’s world goes dark. 

***

He is found wandering in the woods in shackles and he can’t remember how he got there. All he feels is sadness and hunger. Hannibal knows that his parents and Mischa are gone but he can’t remember how it happened. The man who finds him looks at him with kind eyes and asks him for his name.

Hannibal opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. The man nods and takes him gently by the arm. He cries out in pain, it is still bent at an odd angle. The man lets go and introduces himself as Aleksander. Mentions that he works for the local orphanage. Hannibal doesn’t remember that there is a local orphanage, but he is hungry and cold so he lets himself be steered gently to a car.

The drive is short, he recognises the way he thinks. When they stop Hannibal does recognise the building. He is home. But it isn’t a home anymore, there is no one waiting for him.

He is helped out of the car and into the building. There are far more people in the building than he has ever seen. Adults and children are rushing about the place, and Hannibal can see a reception desk that had never been there before. He is led to the desk and he is asked to sign his name. He writes all he can remember about himself on the form. The woman there nods and then leads him to an examination room which is in his father’s study.

The room no longer looks like his father’s study, there are no paintings hanging on the walls, and the furniture has been removed. The woman hands the form to the doctor in a white coat who looks over it for long moments before directing Hannibal to sit on the bench. Hannibal poked and prodded and asked questions. He is unable to answer a single one. It frustrates him but he is unable to answer a single question.

His arm is wrapped in a cast and he is led to a dormitory, a pair of pyjamas is give to him. Then he is led to a bathroom where he is given soap to wash with. He feels anxious, sure that someone is watching him. Once he is washed and dressed he is led back into the dormitory.

“Would you like to eat?”

Hannibal nods and is taken to the dining room, the table his father had loved so much is gone, instead there are benches and tables. Children of different ages are sat around eating. The woman directs him to a group of boys that appear to be his age.

They look at him with distrust before returning to their food. A plate is placed in front of him. He takes tentative bites, the food tastes like ashes in his mouth. He isn’t sure why that is, he had usually been someone who enjoyed food. 

The boys finish their meal before he does, and they turn on Hannibal. Asking him question after question and he is unable to answer them. They laugh and turn back to each other.

A bell rings and Hannibal follows the other boys to get rid of his plate and then to the dormitory. Once the light is turned off the terror begins.

He wants to scream but no sound comes out, the boys approach his bed and begin to call him names and make fun of him. Hannibal feels the oddly familiar calm rage begin to spread through him. Wants to run away screaming, but he has no idea where to run to.

At some point he must have fallen asleep because he wakes to sunlight on his face. It feels odd to wake in a bed, he can’t remember the last time he had slept in a bed. The boys are watching him, and laugh as he attempts to get dressed with his cast.

Eventually he is dressed and he follows them back to the dining room. He shovels food into his mouth, desperate to be away from the others. He takes the plate back when he is finished, he wanders the halls of his old home. The entire house looks familiar but not quite right, Hannibal feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere anymore.

He makes his way to the library, pushing the door open. He is relieved when it is still almost the same as he remembers. The only difference is that there is a desk in the middle of the room. A man is sat there and he watches Hannibal for long moments.

“No one is supposed to be here.”

Hannibal wants to explain that this is his home, but once again no sounds come out. He is able to read the label on his desk, it appears as though he is with the dean of the orphanage. The man beckons him forward and Hannibal sits down in the chair in front of the dog.

“No. You don’t get to sit down.”

Hannibal jumps from his seat.

“Come here.” 

Slowly Hannibal makes his way to around the table until he is stood within arm’s reach of the man. He waits for bated breath for something to happen. 

The slap rings through the air with a sharp crack. The pain blooms in his cheek after long moments. He doesn’t make a sound. The dean keeps hitting him until Hannibal can feel blood in his mouth where his  teeth had cut into his cheek.

“You will come back here tomorrow at the same time.” The dean says. Hannibal sees it at the dismissal that it is.

He leaves the room, his ears ringing. He wants to leave his home, but he knows that he shouldn’t feel this way.

Hannibal wonders if he runs away whether he can find somewhere else to stay. But he isn’t sure what he can do if he does room.

Every day is the same, the dean orders him to his office and hits him until Hannibal aches. After the first day the dean is careful to only hit him where the marks can’t be seen. Somehow it is almost soothing because it is the only the touch that he is given. The boys he shares a room with are horrendous to him, they spend most of their time asking him questions, knowing that he cannot answer him. He wants to rend them limb from limb. Hannibal spends a lot of time reading, trying to escape the realities of his day. 

He knows that there is something he is not remembering, but as much as he searches his memory his unable to access it. It is like there is a door in his mind that he cannot go through. 

One day he is summoned to the dean’s office earlier than usual. Hannibal is scared but confused, expecting an escalation. But he is surprised to find a man in the room. He vaguely recognises him, but he cannot place the man at all. The man looks at him with wide eyes and then he is gathering Hannibal in his arms and holding him close. Hannibal is so used to pain that it is shocking but he clings to the man.

“Do you remember me?”

Hannibal shakes his head, and the man sighs sadly.

“It’s been too long since I’ve spent time with your father, and now he is gone.”

Then Hannibal recognises him, it is his distant uncle Robert. He clings to the man, hoping that he is about to be taken from this place. 

“I think the paperwork I have provided is sufficient?”

The dean looks at Robert with a hungry look in his eyes. “Is there not something missing?”

Robert nods and passes over an envelope. The dean begins to cut the notes and Hannibal watches with wide eyes, realising there is more money than he has ever seen.

“Do you need anything Hannibal? From your room?”

Hannibal shakes his head, in his exploration of the orphanage there is nothing left of his old life, that he would want to keep. The one photo he had found of his family is in his pocket.

“We will leave then.”

Robert leads him to a car and Hannibal takes a seat in the passenger seat. He is sorry that he will never see his home again, but there is nothing but pain there now.

They drive away and Hannibal watches the building disappear in the mirror and then for the first time Hannibal falls asleep feeling safe.

Robert takes him to an airport and then they are flying. On the way he explains that Hannibal is being taken to France to live with Robert and his wife; Lady Murasaki. 

They arrive in France after a short flight and then they arrive in Robert’s home. They are greeted by a beautiful slight Japanese woman. Hannibal assumes that it is Lady Murasaki.

***

Lady Murasaki is a revelation, she is kind and strict in equal measures. He watches her with keen eyes when she gets ready and slowly Hannibal regains his voice, she is able to coax out conversations out of him when various doctors have been unable to. Their shadow is Chiyoh who attends Murasaki, she is young and intensely loyal. He befriends her as much as he is able 

He is like Murasaki’s shadow everyday. One of his favourite places to visit with her is the market. Under her tutelage he slowly begins to enjoy food again, he learns to cook. The praise she showers on him when he cooks for them, Hannibal enjoys the craft as it allows him to leave his thoughts behind.

Hannibal is pulled back into the seething rage one day when they visit the market. A butcher that is new to the market insults Lady Murasaki, the man is incredibly rude. He makes fun of her Japanese accent and Hannibal sees red. Hannibal had thought that his senses had been fooled enough that he would never feel the same range.

He is older now, so his punches land harder. He wants to beat every inch of the man, and it is only Lady Murasaki’s firm but small hands that bring him back to earth. They are both silent on the way home and Hannibal has to recall the incident to Robert when he sees the bloody knuckles.

Robert looks as angry as Hannibal feels, the next day he goes to the market to confront the man. Hannibal follows secretly to watch, he knows his uncle will defend his wife to the ends of the earth. Hannibal is horrified to see that when Robert begins to beat the man he sinks to the floor clutching his chest. Hannibal thinks it looks like a heart attack.

He only stays long enough to see the ambulance arrive and take his uncle’s body away. He had known it almost immediately, he isn’t sure how he could know what a dead body looks like but he is sure.

Murasaki is distraught, she wanders the halls of the house for days, until they have to move out. The majority of his estate is spent on taxes, it hobbles their finances and they sell the house.

They move around France, Hannibal feels that he is always on the hunt for something, he wants to exact his revenge on the butcher who had meant that he had lost his second home. 

***

Hannibal can feel eyes on the back of his head as he sketches, he knows who is following him; Inspector Pazzi. The man is far more tenacious than any police officer he has met previously. The man suspects him of recreating the Primavera, of course the man is correct in his suspicions but there is nothing to tie him to the murder, he had been sure of that. Over the years he had learnt enough to evade capture, he had also learnt to have only the most superficial of connections. After losing Murasaki he had been adrift but Chiyoh had found him, because she is far more resourceful than anyone would expect.

She is back in Lithuania, in the dungeons on the Lecter estate, guarding his prisoner. He is sure to send her money to fulfill her duties. Knowing her capabilities; Hannibal had tasked her with managing his various aliases and estates. He isn’t quite sure how she manages it but she has never failed him.

He finishes his sketch and stands to stretch, rolling his shoulders slowly to show how unconcerned he is about the observation. This will be a fun game, he thinks. 

Pazzi invites him to the station one evening, and he considers the man in front of him, he looks desperate. The man Pazzi had arrested previously had been released because the evidence for his innocence had been overwhelming. Hannibal answers each of the questions with ease, a smile dancing at the corners of his mouth but he never indulges it. Eventually Pazzi has to let him go, he will never be able to find enough to arrest and charge him. 

Hannibal knows that it won’t matter for long, his invitation to John Hopkins means that he will be leaving the country soon. He knows that he will find much richer hunting grounds in America, his experiences of American tourists had taught him that they are exceptionally rude. Fertile hunting ground. The demon that howls in his chest is excited for the opportunity, imagines in detail. The possibilities seem endless. 

***

Hannibal had thought that any possibility of connection had ended with the death of Murasaki but then  _ he  _ is there. Will Graham is fascinating, bristling against him, furious at Jack Crawford and embarrassed. He is so shockingly vibrant that Hannibal feels the ache of his heart again for the first time in a long time. Hannibal is sure that Will is the end of the peace he had so carefully cultivated, the ashes blown away by the man sat next o him. 

There is a darkness in Will, seperate from the shadow of the Minnesota Shrike. Hannibal can see why Will wants to avoid Hannibal’s eyes, the darkness there is striking and ready to jump out.

Hannibal surprises Will in his motel room. Will is stunning when his guards are down due to lack of sleep. Yet southern manners remain and he invites Hannibal into the room, he seems stunned when Hannibal serves up prepared breakfast.

“I don’t find you that interesting.” A lie, Hannibal can tell. Most probably would not see it, but Hannibal is not most people.

“You will.”

Will smiles and it tugs at the monster in Hannibal’s chest, it aches but it is a good ache. They talk about Hannibal’s kill and he is intrigued by the way Will’s mind works. He knows that Crawford would have not thought the same. He is able to see Hannibal so clearly even when he doesn’t know exactly who he is looking for.

Hearing Will laugh is like the beginning of a symphony and Hannibal begins to wonder how he can put the notes together to create something.

Calling Hobbs may have been impulsive but he is intrigued to see what Will would do. He surpasses every expectation that Hannibal could have had. Will is transcendent covered in blood. He looks on to Hobbs’ daughter bleeding out on the floor, Will desperately trying to save her life. Hannibal sees a way in which he can bind Will to him and guide him to his potential. He kneels down into the growing puddle of blood, and wraps his hands around the girl’s neck. He brushes against Will’s hands and the touch is electrifying.

Hannibal is sat by Abigail’s bedside, he had heard Will’s footsteps, he is feigning sleep, one of his hands is stretched out holding hers. Will breathes slowly and then walks to the chair on her other side. He settles in the seat, content it seems to join Hannibal in his vigil. It is odd, Will’s presence is soothing and Hannibal allows himself to nod off. 

It is easy, he rubber-stamps Will because he wants to see how far Will will go. There is something in Will that makes Hannibal want to loosen the leash he holds on his monster. He knows that it is likely that it has a partner in Will’s, even if the banality of morality still clings to him like a shroud, something that Hannibal is sure that he can help Will burn. There is just the matter of isolating him from Crawford, as much as he wants to see what lengths Will will go to in twisting and turning to fight the learned morality.

“What you need is a way out of dark places when Jack sends you there.”

Will looks shocked at the implication, he is just as desperate for connection as Hannibal, and he is sure that Will has never been offered the same by anyone. Hannibal has not felt as possessive of someone for a long time. The part of him that he normally holds tight is howling at the prospect of an equal.


End file.
